Cycles of Eternity

Sometimes in the dark as we stand beside the bed of our sleeping child, our hearts throb with remorse. Our exasperation and impatience of the day past seem tawdry beside our beautiful, trusting cherub. Now asleep, he is the picture of peace. Would that as his many demands ricochet through our day, we could embrace him as a gift to teach us, share life with us, remind us of our own beginnings and our approaching end.

Prayer:
Alpha and Omega, the way ahead is long. There will be many beginnings and endings as we cycle through the years. We want you to be with us at the beginnings and at the endings. We want you to be our dwelling place, our one constant home amid all changes. Amen

Taken from the book: Meditations for New Parents by Gerald and Sara Wenger Shenk

Today was a rough day with Graham. No need for specifics but just one of those days where my parenting mistakes seemed many and my patience and wisdom seemed oh-so-nonexsistent. But, as I was laying on the floor beside his bed, rubbing his little head to help him fall asleep, I started praying. One of those really honest open prayers that have that wonderful sense of me saying what I really want to say and God being there, almost present with me in the room...listening. Anyway, I just poured out my heart to him and I felt so refreshed, so loved, so...heard. It strikes me as odd that the times that I "feel" God the most are the times when I am desperate. I think its because I turn off my control button and really start to listen to him. It also makes me think that the difficult times I go through, the times I am tempted to resent and question "Why me Lord?" are also the times when I feel the love of the Father even deeper. Note to self, maybe pain really is a blessing and maybe confusion and questions are really just the beginning of answers.
Well, I lingered in Grammies room rubbing his head even after I knew he had fallen asleep. It just felt good, you know? I prayed for my little boy and I prayed for myself('cause boy, do I need it!), for my most important job ever, being Grammies mom. When I came downstairs I pulled out this devotional that I hadn't read in a really long time and came across the little bit I quoted up above. It was confirmation to me,that the Lord had really heard my prayers. I am not really sure why I felt compelled to write this, except it feels good for me to get it all out. And, maybe it will encourage the other mommies that I love out there...God loves us so much, sees our mistakes, our selfishness, our I-am-a-horrible-old-hag-of-a-mother-days, and yet, loves us. Remarkable.

Hope this jumble of words is encouraging to somebody out there :)
Love,
Me