Irrational fears. Those insidious little thoughts that nag at your mind and do their darnedest to rob you of all your joy. I have them. Yes, I definitely have them and thought i might share some of my crazy "little fears" in hopes that somebody else might go, "Oh my gosh, me too! I thought I was the only one." I think that thinking you are the only one is perhaps the object of fear: to isolate us and make us feel odd, unlovable, unlovely. If we believe that, even in part, fear wins the day and a little of God's brilliant light is less able to shine in our hearts where we need it the most. Here are a few of mine(its okay to laugh some of them are incredibly stupid):
Irrational Fear No. 1: Every time I cook anything that requires dealing with raw chicken I am afraid that the whole family will contract salmonella.
No. 2: Lately, I have felt like my hair looks like Michael Landon as "Pa Ingalls" from the Little House on the Prairie T.V. series.
No. 3: At church, I often feel like everyone is looking at me...probably, wondering why that gal in the third row looks like "Pa Ingalls."
No. 4: After meeting people for the first time I often leave thinking they must have thought I was a complete weirdo and obsess about the dumb things I said.
No. 5: When Graham goes outside to play it crosses my mind that their might be freaks lurking in the bushes to abduct him.
No. 6: Every time I fly I am quite certain that this will be my last flight and I will end up on the 6:00 news. I have flown alot you can imagine how jolly a flight partner I am.
No. 7,8,&9: I worry that I will choke to death, have a brain aneurysm, or fall down the steps while I am taking care of the kids and no one will find me until Heath gets home at 3:30.
No. 10: I worry that the hamster will get out of his cage and run around our house pooping and peeing...Oh wait, that one actually happened so it will now be put on the things to really worry about list.
So, you can see I am as neurotic as the best of them. I have often wondered how a person can live their life insisting they have no need for God. I think maybe you just have to stop thinking. Or only allow yourself to think certain things keeping it very shallow and not listening to the deepest thoughts of your heart and mind. I know my mind calls out daily, "Help me Lord, balance me, draw me into your peace, keep me still, calm me, I need YOU." All this looking deep within to find your "inner peace" is sheer nonsense. Looking within is just more confusion. We have not truly entered into our humanity until we start looking up.
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4 comments:
Oh, Christie - not irrational at all!
1. Thank the news media for "chicken phobia"! 2. Better "Pa Ingalls" than "Ma Kettle". At least his hair has some body to it! (I have "Ma Kettle" hair. 3. See #2 4. Right there with ya! 5. Oh - don't forget the bullies, the stalkers, and the new folks on the block. 6. Horrified of flying - flown only once 7, 8 &9. add to that: stroke, or some freak breaking in and catching me off guard 10. THAT is why I DON'T have a hamster! So. . . .you are not alone, my friend, not at all!
Oh - forgot - didn't God tell us not to "lean on our own understanding"? We all do it - like it or not. Will pray for you and remember "Fear is the devil's dark room where he takes you to develope the negatives."
In regards to #4, it never crossed my mind that your were a weirdo when we met. I don't thinks irrational to worry about our children and we wouldn't be good parents if we weren't attentive to who is around them. Totally with you on 7,8& 9, all though more worried about slipping in the shower or ice than choking or brain aneurysm.
Oh my gosh, me too! Except to the hamster one. We don't have a hamster. I have been reading a book Called "Battlefield of the Mind" by Joyce Meyers. It's has been such a blessing to me. I love reading your blogs.
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